One Week Until we are a Family of Four!

Who would have known that in just 6 short years, I would have met and married my best friend? Who would have guessed that we would be married blissfully for almost 3 years before having our sweet, little Zane? And now, here we are, one week away until I give birth to our second son, and I am just feeling all of the feels.

All of them.

My most pressing emotions mostly revolve around how Zane will handle no longer being the center of attention after two years of completely being our world. I worry about him developing a bond with his little brother more than I even know how to utter. I am trying to give him all of the loves and all of the snuggles, but part of me is curious if that is going to fuel his jealousy when those stop? Does that even make sense?! When I'm feeling all of the feels, somehow, it makes sense.

I worry about how having two little boys and two big adult jobs is going to work. I'm going back to teaching in just a month and Mitch is working as an engineer already. We have been a chaotic household the past month and I am nervous for how that will work out. When you're feeling all of the feels, it seems hopeful one minute and very alarming the next. I keep swinging like a pendulum from "it will all work out" to "holy crap, when am I going to spend time with my little family AND cook dinner AND clean the house AND be an effective teacher AND AND AND."

Sometimes, all of the feels just stink. Sometimes, my husband has to use his 6 years of "learning how to handle Alex-isms" to settle me down. And sometimes, I worry about him not having time to do that, too.

On one hand, I'm a nervous wreck. On the other hand, I've been looking at pictures of Zane's birth and first few weeks and my heart seriously races from excitement. I can't wait to hold this little boy, to feel his little fingers curl around my own fingers and heart at the same time. The thought of getting to snuggle his warm little body and feel his sweet little breath on my neck is seriously giving me life force. I have day dreams about what his hair will look like, how long his fingers and toes will be, and if he will be my spitting image.

I also have dreams about the tar poop, spit up, and breastfeeding too, but if my day dreams are enough to tide my anxieties, they are definitely enough to help me adjust to those realities as well.

In just one short week, it will be my three boys and me, and that thought alone is giving me goosebumps.