Baby Weight

So far in Washington, I've done some serious "me-time" which is honestly what I've needed for a while. I've joined a gym, lost 10 pounds, listened to the first four Harry Potter books on audio, and bought some cute new clothes. It has been wonderful.

I'm most proud of going to the gym. I've struggled to lose my baby weight from having Zane and although I 'feel' skinny most of the time, people's off-hand remarks sometimes pull me down to reality and make me realize that I'm considered large now. People don't mean anything by their comments, I'm sure, but when women say, "Curvy girls like us can't have ice cream whenever we want!" to me, it's pretty upsetting. Because I've always felt confident in my own ice-cream-whenever-I-want-it body. Those comments started at Christmas when my mother-in-law was handing out Christmas pjs and made the comment, "Alex's is the large. Everyone else has mediums." Like a dagger, even though I know she didn't mean it - or even realize she had said it. But the sad truth is that these comments have continued for longer than I care to admit and each time they wear me down a little. I've noticed that those comments have been lingering after they've been said longer and longer in my mind each time.

Thankfully I usually have the self-confidence not to see myself as a 'curvy' girl most of the time, but to see myself as a creative girl or a compassionate girl, or to identify myself by the millions of other things that make up me rather than my size. I've been blessed with my mother's confidence and that is one of her features that I am most proud of owning. Her confidence includes a "get-in-there-and-do-what-needs-to-be-done" attitude - and I decided to use that attitude towards my body (and not just my crafting).

There's nothing more empowering for me right now that realizing that I am strong and that I have muscle under this baby weight. Today, I was working out my shoulders and back and as I watched myself in the mirror - which I can shamefully admit to - I felt strong. I felt powerful. And I felt proud of my body and my accomplishments. I felt good for the entire hour while I pushed myself to the limits (woman grunts and all) despite being around people who were in so much better shape than I am.

All the while, I've realized that I am more proud of my body than I was giving myself credit. Those days and weeks in between people's comments where I was happy with myself were because I recognized that I was strong and that I had endurance. My weight hasn't mattered - what is more important is that I am able to swing my son around like my body is his very own personal jungle gym. I've been able to go on bike rides with my sweet adrenaline junkie husband. I've been able to move and shake all day, every day and not have to take rests due to exhaustion.

I am so glad that I can define myself by so many other things than my body - but I'd be lying if I didn't say that being able to define myself as empowering and strong doesn't feel good. I'm excited to test my own limits and to continue building up my endurance and strength. As for now, I'll be figuring out a way to let my pride down when people question my ice cream eating abilities.